


Stop going to the bathroom already

by Stryfe



Series: Love for Stryfe [6]
Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, But he's adorable, I REGRET NOTHING, Laxatives, M/M, Wade being a clingy pest, this is an accurate representation of real life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:48:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stryfe/pseuds/Stryfe
Summary: Just a random (probably not that well written) drabble (sort of) about a day in the life of Stryfe, Nate and Wade on Providence. In other words, Wade can't leave people alone when they're going to the bathroom.





	

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to their respective owners (Marvel, etc.). My stories may not be posted elsewhere or otherwise used or changed without my sole permission.

Wade couldn’t help but make another scratching sound on the door. He was taking forever and Wade was lonely! With no one but the boxes for company, it was getting to a desperate point.

[ _I take offense to that!_ ]

**(We’re amazing company, thank you.)**

“Neither of you are amazing company. Now shush, it’s time to write a message.”

* * *

 

Stryfe had finally had a chance to go and relieve himself in the bathroom after spending all day asleep with Wade on Nate’s couch. Admittedly Stryfe had spent it asleep but it had been spent sleeping with Wade, which counted! After one minute in the bathroom, Stryfe had heard a scratching at the door and Wade muttering to himself.

“Wade? What exactly are you doing?” Stryfe asked refusing to open the door for his adorable pest.

“Stryfe, I’m so lonely!” Wade shouted as he made more scratching sounds against the door.

“Wade, I’ve been in the bathroom all of maybe a minute or less.”

“That doesn’t make me any less lonely Stryfe.”

Pausing, Stryfe couldn’t help but realize this was going to be one of those days. One of those days where Wade was going to annoy the shit out of him, literally. Sighing, Stryfe unbuttoned his pants and slid them down to sit on the toilet.

“Stryfe, Stryfe, Stryfe, Stryfe, Stryfe, Stryfe.”

Rubbing his head, Stryfe couldn’t help but notice a note slide under the door. Using his TK, Stryfe read what Wade had sent him.

_Stryfe. Stop. I’m lonely. Stop. Stop pooping. Stop. Please. Stop._

_P.S. Stop. Do you the like old fashioned text message I sent you? Stop. It’s in Morse code. Stop. Get it? Stop. Because there’s stop at the end of each sentence. Stop._

“Wade.” Stryfe replied, shaking his head. The only response Stryfe heard was a plethora of giggles and some more paper tearing.

_Stryfe. You have a 101/10 ass. Would totally lick it._

“That’s honestly not something I want to hear while going to the bathroom Wade.” Sex and going to the bathroom didn’t mix in Stryfe’s opinion. He hadn’t ever tried mixing them nor would he ever try anything like it. Would he eat Wade’s ass out or let someone lick his ass? Sure, after a shower maybe. (Ick, Stryfe could feel the nausea building as he recalled porn Wade had once shown him about “golden showers.” Needless to say, his erection had died for the rest of that night.)

Paper #3 slid under the door as Stryfe pulled his pants up again this time written in fancy red crayon instead of pen.

_Stryfe. I’m so lonely D: Please love me. And get out of the bathroom. I miss you so much. Oh, and stop. Well, stop as in morse code and stop as in stop going to the bathroom and come love me._

Flushing the toilet, Stryfe moved over to wash his hands in the sink while taking his time to annoy Wade right back. Drying his hands thoroughly on the towel rack rewarded Stryfe with more scratching and another piece of paper being sent under the door.

_Stryfe. I know you’re done in there damnit. A thousand years have passed while I’ve been waiting on you and Nate got me into watching porn since you’ve been gone. I swear I’ve never seen porn before and it has corrupted me now. I was innocent before Nate introduced me to porn. Trust me, I’m an ~~astrophysicital,~~ cardiologist._

Snorting, Stryfe finally opened the door to see Wade hunched over on the floor, in the middle of his next note.

“Wade.”

“Stryfe!” Wade shrieked and beamed up at him. “You’ve finally come back to me!”

Pushing Wade onto the floor, Stryfe sat on him and made sure he couldn’t get up at all.

“No, Stryfe please! Let me go, I just wanted to love you!” Flailing as much as he could, Wade tried his best to knock Stryfe off his back. After several failed attempts to get Stryfe off, Wade couldn’t help but look up and pout. “I love you.”

Smilingly to himself, Stryfe gave a smug grin to Wade, refusing to move. “I love you too Wade but I’m not moving unless you do me a favor.”

“Oh, and what’s that?” Wade inquired as Stryfe leaned down to whisper something into his ear. “Yes and yes.” Wade snorted amidst laughter.

 

**_~3 hours later~_ **

Sitting at his desk, Nathan stared at the endless sea of papers he had yet to do. All of the words had started blurring together and the ink looked like it was starting to move almost. Maybe Stryfe and Wade were right and he’d been working too many hours this week. Maybe he should take a break and go to the beach again.

As he was pondering his next potential vacation, Nate could feel his stomach rumble with displeasure. It felt… foreboding to say the least as the rumbles came with increasing intensity. Nathan could feel himself jump up as he started to run to the bathroom. Locking the door, Nate quickly pulled his pants down and sat. He could feel relief flood him that he’d made it until an odd scratching noise came from the door.

“Nathan!”

“Wade,” Ugh, whatever was going on couldn’t have been from the food he’d eaten earlier. It had been a salad for Askani’s sake! “I’m a little busy at the moment.”

“Well, I’m still lonely. Let me in!”

“Why not go see Stryfe, Wade?” Nate pleaded futilely.

He could almost feel Wade’s glee about that until he responded, “Yeah but I already saw Stryfe and he said if I put laxatives in your food and bothered you while you’re in the bathroom, he’d spend an entire week with me doing whatever I want.”

Nathan could feel an aneurysm building until a piece of paper slid under the door.

_Nate, I’m lonely. Please come back to me soon. Also, I can’t remember are you only supposed to put 1 laxative in the food or 4? By the way, Stryfe said he organized your desk for you and has officially declared war on your bedroom. Wanna go on a date now?_


End file.
